{"id":6682,"date":"2021-03-05T11:07:53","date_gmt":"2021-03-05T11:07:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartpoetry.art\/?p=6682"},"modified":"2021-03-05T11:07:53","modified_gmt":"2021-03-05T11:07:53","slug":"tout-va-bien","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2021\/03\/05\/tout-va-bien\/","title":{"rendered":"Tout va Bien"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I lost my job at the factory I was paid off with a cheque dated the 2nd<\/sup>\u00a0of August 1877<\/p>\n

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It is natural to say that I was not very thrilled and protested straight away<\/p>\n

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The head of payroll told me that this was the only cheque left in the company and there was no other<\/p>\n

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I reluctantly accepted the cheque and went home where my aunt was cooking dinner with a bison<\/p>\n

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My uncle said that the cheque was worthless and offered to accompany me to the factory next day<\/p>\n

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Reluctantly I declined his offer as my beautiful cousin who was carrying my child had arrived and I did not want to upset her with my bad news<\/p>\n

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I also wanted to keep on the right side of my uncle as he owned the factory where I had once worked<\/p>\n

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\u00a0My cousin and I were planning to live at the lodge which was empty after the execution of the previous tenants<\/p>\n

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Over dinner my uncle asked to see my cheque once again so I handed it to him<\/p>\n

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He studied it for a while and then proceeded to eat it saying that aged cheques prolonged eternal life<\/p>\n

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After his funeral I married my beautiful cousin and we travelled to the south seas where I began to write<\/p>\n

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A few words at first and then my waters broke and I was doing a thousand words a day which was obviously not good for a good Jewish boy like me<\/p>\n

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When we returned to Coldharbour-Coldharbour some twenty years later I found that I had inherited the great house and the lodge on the death of my aunt and her pet poodle<\/p>\n

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I was further a major shareholder in the factory that had once sacked me for getting too close to the guard dogs<\/p>\n

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My head wanted revenge for my shabby treatment but deep in my heart I felt forgiveness<\/p>\n

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I asked my beautiful cousin (who I had forgotten to marry<\/em>) for advice but she had previously left me and was now living with my even more beautiful cousin<\/p>\n

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Who also liked guard dogs but not poodles<\/p>\n

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I became reclusive and funded wars in South East Asia before I became bored of this pastime and music in general<\/p>\n

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After flirting with space travel and tree surgery I invited my beautiful cousin along with my even more beautiful cousin to share my house and the lodge and part of the drive<\/p>\n

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It was my biggest mistake as they began poisoning me at once but I did not succumb as I had been warned in advance by my rather plain but not that bad looking cousin<\/p>\n

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After a while I even began to enjoy the caustic taste of the poison which came in a variety of colours<\/p>\n

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On the 37th<\/sup>\u00a0of May this year I sold the business to a penniless musician who was deeply into the synthetic sounds of the Horn of Africa<\/p>\n

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My beautiful cousin and my even more beautiful cousin left the following day along with all my servants and my yellow guard dogs<\/p>\n

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I did not recover from this blow and was soon ordained as a church candle which had been my intention all along<\/p>\n

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\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I lost my job at the factory I was paid off with a cheque dated the 2nd\u00a0of August 1877 It is natural to say that I was not very thrilled and protested straight away The head of payroll told me that this was the only cheque left in the company and there was no […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6682"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6682"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6682\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6682"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6682"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6682"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}