{"id":9222,"date":"2021-11-16T15:57:15","date_gmt":"2021-11-16T15:57:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stuartpoetry.art\/?p=9222"},"modified":"2021-11-16T16:04:35","modified_gmt":"2021-11-16T16:04:35","slug":"la-mort-de-l-europe-de-ma-jeunesse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/2021\/11\/16\/la-mort-de-l-europe-de-ma-jeunesse\/","title":{"rendered":"La mort de l\u2019 Europe de ma jeunesse"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have toured the countries of Europe for a number of years<\/p>\n

I am not sure of my exact age as I brought up in an orphanage in Northern Greece<\/p>\n

I was told that I was born in 1947 but I think I am much younger as my hair is only beginning to turn grey<\/p>\n

Last Tuesday I said goodbye to my youth when accidentally hit a migrant with my car<\/p>\n

I did not stop<\/p>\n

I did not care<\/p>\n

In a way I would like to die in a foreign country<\/p>\n

I was jealous of the man<\/p>\n

With this thought I lost my youth<\/p>\n

I have joined the dead of Europe<\/p>\n

I always travel in the northern territories of countries as I do not want to be seduced by the southern mood-lands<\/p>\n

This is very true of Greece<\/p>\n

I do not want to be corrupted<\/p>\n

By the generous sun<\/p>\n

I encourage people to write for me as I write for them<\/p>\n

Most refuse but a woman from Belgium gave me a copy of a story that her daughter penned<\/p>\n

The daughter suffers from depression and self harms on occasions<\/p>\n

The work is unfinished and whether it is any good is open to opinion but I know why the girl wrote it<\/p>\n

In a way I have the same feelings but do not confront them<\/p>\n

I hide in northern countries<\/p>\n

The story was written in an exercise book which I accidentally dropped during a violent storm<\/p>\n

I apologise if it does not make sense<\/p>\n

But the fault is all mine<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When I close my eyes I am in Avignon<\/strong><\/p>\n

Race had left work early and had decided to visit her sister who had just returned from France<\/p>\n

She found her sister sitting on the settee listening to Charles Aznavour on her record player<\/p>\n

Race could see that she had been crying<\/p>\n

It was so sad as I was watching him on a TV show just three days ago and now he has passed away<\/em><\/p>\n

It happens to us all<\/em><\/p>\n

Apart from this sadness did you have a nice time?<\/em><\/p>\n

It was more than a nice time as my days in Avignon and Arles were some of my most memorable<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you know that I dressed as a matador on the day I visited Arles and walked around the amphitheatre I think in homage to the bullfights held there<\/em><\/p>\n

I felt like the girl from Christine and the Queens<\/em><\/p>\n

Christine and the Queens<\/em><\/p>\n

It is a French group have you not heard of them?<\/em><\/p>\n

No<\/em><\/p>\n

Well I particularly like the video that accompanied the song La Marcheuse in which a battered girl walks through a sun drenched village dressed for a bull fight she is followed by a bull and it is obvious that she is being treated as an outsider<\/em><\/p>\n

What happens does the bull gore her?<\/em><\/p>\n

No they confront each other for a while and then leave the village together<\/em><\/p>\n

Did you get any funny looks?<\/em><\/p>\n

Not that I was aware of<\/em><\/p>\n

People just did not give a fuck about me<\/em><\/p>\n

I as just a girl dressed for a bull fight<\/em><\/p>\n

I hate bullfights don\u2019t you?<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not really have an opinion but saying this I was secretly pleased that an abattoir had been burnt to the ground by saboteurs I found out about it on the news\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

For some reason I was angry at the owners of the abattoir<\/em><\/p>\n

You eat meat<\/em><\/p>\n

I know<\/em><\/p>\n

Animals die in these places<\/em><\/p>\n

What else was on the news?<\/em><\/p>\n

The same shit<\/em><\/p>\n

I only watched it in short bursts as I was waiting for the weather<\/em><\/p>\n

Which was?<\/em><\/p>\n

Great it was very hot with those gorgeous Provencal winds and the light was something else<\/em><\/p>\n

Everything was so beautiful<\/em><\/p>\n

So chic<\/em><\/p>\n

So French<\/em><\/p>\n

It sounds like you are having difficulty in coming to terms with Belgium<\/em><\/p>\n

In a way I am<\/em><\/p>\n

Everything was so beautiful in Avignon and Arles<\/em><\/p>\n

But there must be ugly parts of France<\/em><\/p>\n

It is no so much the towns and the cities for instance Avignon had its fair share of scruffy areas but for every empty shop there another shop opposite<\/em><\/p>\n

Where else would you find a clothes shop selling expensive items next to a closed graffiti and poster ridden shop?<\/em><\/p>\n

I saw a number of these<\/em><\/p>\n

I call it scruffy chic<\/em><\/p>\n

You see beauty in everything<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not<\/em><\/p>\n

You do<\/em><\/p>\n

I have seen ugliness<\/em><\/p>\n

Without answering Race stood up and began making coffee<\/p>\n

Coffee<\/em><\/p>\n

Please<\/em><\/p>\n

You know Chris I always know when you are in one of these moods<\/em><\/p>\n

What moods<\/em><\/p>\n

The Dead of Europe moods<\/em><\/p>\n

You fuck off and go somewhere beautiful and return depressed and start ranting on about soft borders and mass immigration and the general greyness of everything like a right wing politician<\/em><\/p>\n

Even this fucking shit hole of a town would be beautiful if it had a Mediterranean climate such as the one in Avignon<\/em><\/p>\n

That is where you are wrong Race we have just experienced one of the hottest summers for years and if anything the town was even uglier<\/em><\/p>\n

Meaning<\/em><\/p>\n

People did not know how to handle it and just wore less showing acres of flesh and awful tattoos<\/em><\/p>\n

It was vile<\/em><\/p>\n

They still pursued life at the same pace<\/em><\/p>\n

It was sweaty and smelly like a big city in a tropical country<\/em><\/p>\n

And Avignon was not like that?<\/em><\/p>\n

No<\/em><\/p>\n

There must have been fat and ugly people in Avignon<\/em><\/p>\n

There were<\/em><\/p>\n

But for the most part they dressed so well<\/em><\/p>\n

They dressed simply<\/em><\/p>\n

It seemed that everybody in the city had a sense of fashion<\/em><\/p>\n

Crap you talk such shit Chris<\/em><\/p>\n

And now you sit on your settee feeling sorry for yourself<\/em><\/p>\n

Fuck you Race<\/em><\/p>\n

Both sisters laughed at each other<\/p>\n

Fuck you Chris<\/em><\/p>\n

You know that you are looking to create a world that does not exist with people you approve of<\/em><\/p>\n

The art instillation went well<\/em><\/p>\n

There is no ugliness in your world and you do not care about the people that you disregard whether it be because of their race or their opinions or just because they disagree with you<\/em><\/p>\n

It was a great success<\/em><\/p>\n

One day you are going to take it too far and get into real trouble especially with the heightened sensitivities of today<\/em><\/p>\n

Just because I think that this country is run by cunts<\/em><\/p>\n

This is not an extreme view many people share my opinions<\/em><\/p>\n

You cannot say things like that<\/em><\/p>\n

I can say what I please<\/em><\/p>\n

I wish you were more like me<\/em><\/p>\n

I have my opinions and some of them are quite close to yours<\/em><\/p>\n

I think that Europe is in decline and that the borders are far to porous<\/em><\/p>\n

But I do not articulate this to anybody who care to listen<\/em><\/p>\n

You must respect other people\u2019s opinions<\/em><\/p>\n

So if I was a Jew when the Nazis came to power I would have to respect Herr Hitler\u2019s opinions about our race<\/em><\/p>\n

We are Jewish do not forget that<\/em><\/p>\n

I am proud to be Jewish<\/em><\/p>\n

That is my heritage that\u2019s all if I am truthful I prefer Catholicism<\/em><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s not get into that<\/em><\/p>\n

It is the same every time you visit a place that appeals to you and you return and rant on about what is wrong with this country<\/em><\/p>\n

What about our home town do you remember our childhood it was idyllic<\/em><\/p>\n

But now because of its proximity to the capital city it is not really safe to walk the streets after dark\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I feel okay here<\/em><\/p>\n

Then why do you carry a sharpened comb on your pocket?<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not<\/em><\/p>\n

Fuck off I found it the other day when you coat fell from the hook<\/em><\/p>\n

It was only something minor<\/em><\/p>\n

Were you followed?<\/em><\/p>\n

No<\/em><\/p>\n

Did somebody touch you up?<\/em><\/p>\n

No<\/em><\/p>\n

You did not get a wolf whistle did you?<\/em><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t take the piss<\/em><\/p>\n

Well tell me what happened<\/em><\/p>\n

You are going to laugh but about two months ago I was passing the closed pizza shop when a homeless man grabbed my ankle as I was walked by<\/em><\/p>\n

What did you do?<\/em><\/p>\n

I screamed and that was that<\/em><\/p>\n

I then ran away<\/em><\/p>\n

A couple of lads by the kebab shop saw what had happened and they crossed the road to confront him<\/em><\/p>\n

Did they give the pervert a kicking?<\/em><\/p>\n

He was not a pervert I think he was just asking for money<\/em><\/p>\n

To feed his habit or buy a drink anyway I did not stay to see what happened as the whole episode had unnerved me<\/em><\/p>\n

That is why I carry a sharp comb<\/em><\/p>\n

Would you use it?<\/em><\/p>\n

I doubt it<\/em><\/p>\n

Then why carry it<\/em><\/p>\n

I suppose it acts as a comfort blanket that all<\/em><\/p>\n

I know what I would have done to that scumbag<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not want to hear it Chris<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you remember when we were kids that we were able to walk around this town without inhibition?<\/em><\/p>\n

Mummy and Daddy trusted this town<\/em><\/p>\n

And then it was soiled<\/em><\/p>\n

Betrayed beyond cause<\/em><\/p>\n

I feel dirty walking the streets<\/em><\/p>\n

Then why do you not move to your beloved Avignon<\/em><\/p>\n

I would if you came with me<\/em><\/p>\n

That is impossible and you know that<\/em><\/p>\n

I am not as creative as you and I struggle with the language<\/em><\/p>\n

French is a simple language and very beautiful<\/em><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s stop here Chris as I get a little tired with your moods<\/em><\/p>\n

Do you want to see my photographs?<\/em><\/p>\n

Are they decent?<\/em><\/p>\n

Very except I was attacked by the light on many occasions<\/em><\/p>\n

That was the most beautiful aspect of my stay<\/em><\/p>\n

If I was to be raped then I would choose the light as my lover<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bravo Gigi Bravo<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Due to my carelessness I was unable to read or even translate the rest of the story\u00a0(it was originally written in French)<\/em><\/p>\n

I would have been interested in its content<\/p>\n

I suggested to the Belgium woman that her daughter should visit the northern territories of European countries<\/p>\n

The weather for the most part is mundane<\/p>\n

But there is much beauty<\/p>\n

I would like to think that this would help her<\/p>\n

A friend of mine has a malignant tumour in his leg<\/p>\n

But he is refusing treatment<\/p>\n

He wants to watch it take over his body and suffocate the life from him<\/p>\n

This man is the greatest philosopher I know<\/p>\n

He has unlocked the secrets of Europe\u2019s decline<\/p>\n

Bravo Gigi Bravo<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Travelling North<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have noticed on the local news that they are claiming that my accident was a racial attack<\/p>\n

It was nothing of the sort<\/p>\n

I was drunk and hit a man crossing the road<\/p>\n

I did not notice his colour until it was too late<\/p>\n

Would there have been so much fuss if the victim was white<\/p>\n

We live in strange times<\/p>\n

It is almost as if we are ashamed of our history<\/p>\n

My passport notes that I am Greek but my blood is a mystery to me<\/p>\n

I am a European that\u2019s all<\/p>\n

A child of Europe and I weep at its decline<\/p>\n

I told a priest about the accident and asked what God would have done in the same situation<\/p>\n

He told me that God does not drive and I should follow my own conscience<\/p>\n

I know that God has forgiven me<\/p>\n

There was no intent only weakness<\/p>\n

Maybe I should hand myself in as in the Camus story<\/p>\n

But the law would come down on me and I would be imprisoned for many years and when I was released I would be an old man<\/p>\n

That does not appeal to me<\/p>\n

I have travelled for so many years I do not think that I could survive the isolation<\/p>\n

If I was hit by a car in a foreign country I would consider it fate<\/p>\n

This would not have happened if I had stayed in my village<\/p>\n

But because of this incident I am travelling north<\/p>\n

Where I will fade into the decay of Europe<\/p>\n

The smell will sicken me but I will be nourished at the same time<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have toured the countries of Europe for a number of years I am not sure of my exact age as I brought up in an orphanage in Northern Greece I was told that I was born in 1947 but I think I am much younger as my hair is only beginning to turn grey […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9222","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9222","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9222"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9222\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9226,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9222\/revisions\/9226"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9222"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9222"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stuartmillerosborne.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9222"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}