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It was an early start for me yesterday Really Yes Why I was meeting my publisher for coffee They are not publishing your shit again Sadly they are But is not about me at all It concerns a conversation I overheard Whose conversation Two girls Two girls Well two women Were they pretty I would…

Sir Nobody has called me Sir in a long time What is your name Seymour And yours Jennifer but people call me Jenny I like to read poems to people I meet in the street The streets are my home I am sorry to hear that Have been for thirty years Since Martha died Then…

What about Spoons Mummy – I hear that SuperSpoons in Ramsgate is right next to the beach. Really Can we go on hols to Ramsgate Mummy I am not sure if Mummy can afford that darling Now that Daddy has run off with the au pair Mummy Yes Rosebud Rimbaud and Verlaine hung out in…

Sir Nobody has called me Sir in a long time What is your name Seymour And yours Jennifer but people call me Jenny I like to read poems to people I meet in the street The streets are my home I am sorry to hear that Have been for thirty years Since Martha died Then…

I have a microwave I have just figured it out I can now use the microwave Wow Joe Wow But the fucking thing has blown up I need to buy a new microwave And have checked the options online I am totally confused I sometimes wish I was a woman But I am not a…

Sir Nobody has called me Sir in a long time What is your name Seymour And yours Jennifer but people call me Jenny I like to read poems to people I meet in the street The streets are my home I am sorry to hear that Have been for thirty years Since Martha died Then…

Christopher Waterspout likes cream cheese His girlfriend Trudy does not like cream cheese I was born in a house near the Box Tunnel There is a huge nuclear bunker nearby And it is rumoured that steam locomotives Which were part of the Strategic Reserve Were hidden there under the deep hills I believe this to…

I have a step sister named Judith She recently had a decent well paid job And then out of nothing she was dismissed This seemed unusual to me So I asked her the reason why It seems that the guy Who owned the company Was a sleaze who made Judith’s life hell Without going into…

If you add an E to POV then it reads POVE The number 831 is a cyber term used to mean “I Love You.” I have a Swedish friend named POVE She is an illustrator I do not love POVE Whose favourite number is 12 I do not love her dog either Either does not…