If there was a hospital in Scarborough I was there in intensive care Wired up to the national grid I had collapsed without cause An ambulance was summoned A heart attack a stroke or just the hotel coffee The cause was unknown From my bed I could see Frank and Stella Stella was weeping silently […]

For at least an hour I stood outside The Grand Hotel High above Scarborough Sands I tried to assure myself That this Victorian pile was not that high And that if you looked at it mathematically Then it was no more than thirty feet up (Room 69 was just thirty feet above this street) The […]

I received a note from Frank Which informed me that If I travelled to Room 69 On the 5th floor of the Grand Hotel High above Scarborough Sands That a wet juicy cunt would await me Frank has a very beautiful sister named Stella Who had cock teased me for years The very thought of […]

I have a noisy blue budgerigar Zoe left it here when she moved out For a while the bird was quite down But it slowly became used to me And now we are quite inseparable I used to get the tube to work But now fly to the city With my pet each day In […]

Where have you been Phil Trying to find the men’s bogs Did you have any luck Yes and no Meaning I found a gender neutral bog at the pavilion Yes They fulfil the same purpose I agree but as I entered A gorgeous French girl (I think I know where this is going) Passed me […]

I was cycling slowly out of My Sister My Wife Along the dirt track that led to the River Selle The River Selle led in turn into the Danube Where I planned to meet Wilma Etta and Peace We each owned an orange bicycle rimmed white And had agreed to eat at the Penal -Tea […]

Archie Good Morning Leave your dreams You are in reality now I am fully dressed The sun is out It is going to be a warm day Perhaps we might walk Or even swim in the lake My mother is arriving at noon So we better hurry Perhaps we can share a coffee At the […]

Ray Davidovich was the keeper of the Eagle Light For nearly forty years until his retirement But he was always haunted By the sudden disappearance Of his second cousin Amelia Grace During the Great Storm of 1966 It was widely assumed that she drowned Although there is no reliable record Of her leaving the Eagle […]

Who designed These complex machines Who designed These tanks Which are heading Towards our naked And exposed trenches I am often Asked this question By terrified soldiers I have no answers As I have only Ever designed Family cars

In a street near me There is a pink car Bare Barbie I have called it Bare Barbie For no real reason Apart from its colour Which is Barbie Pink