Stuart Miller-Osborne

Have been friends since school They live in adjoining villages Neither has married although not plain Both have a similar taste in shoes Firm heeled in shades of green Mixed with other subtle colours

A plain girl stood in a city street She was weeping silent tears Somewhere a beautiful violin Was being played in a better heaven

Miss Simon that is a French name is it not In my case it is Swiss although I live in France You have been brought in front of this court As you were found sunbathing topless on Stevenson Beach How do you plead Why should I plead as I did nothing wrong Mr Adams would…

We are four hours into our road trip You are feeling hot in your city jeans Pull over and find a lonely dirt track I want to wear my white cotton dress Over there I will change over there It is too open don’t you think You will scandalise the trees

I woke up this morning And found a note It said I am leaving you My country was leaving me She had been seduced by the diseased traitors I had a feeling that this was about to happen That is why joined up the lies and became a member Of the Special Forces I am…

oor eye catching days Do yo mean Poor eye catching days Yes You are raking in riddles I do not understand what you are saying Why do you have a bandaged wrist I cut myself shaving Do you mate yourself Eakism Realism Ten years ago I was invited To star in a reality television programme…

I am Welsh having been born in Swansea Welsh Dragon Rising That is the Madeleine nickname for me I suppose it means something in French But I have yet to share the joke

Chaos theory is the study of deterministic systems that are highly sensitive to initial conditions This means that tiny insignificant changes can lead to dramatically different outcomes over time Although appearing random These chaotic systems follow underlying patterns and rules I left my newspaper on the tube this morning

My cat Tom wants to go blonde As he is tired of being black This has presented me with a problem As I have run out of crimson paint

I have a small canoe which I share with Tracey Jecko It has seen better days and occasionally leaks Which is very irritating especially on summer canals Tracy forever the Heath Robinson always brings Spare pairs of knickers to plug up our leaking water pipes I prefer using her pink ones whereas Tracey chooses light…