Stuart Miller-Osborne

Red should be in Bed I said to Hazel in the Shed I would not be seen Dead In this decaying shed Fred And that is the Gospel Truth

I collect amethysts Hidden in rocks Which I needlessly find Whilst beachcombing On rare days of beauty

Like ice rusting in the gutter My life was unravelling at speed His train was vanishing from my day Leaving only a distant vacancy

The locusts finished us off They slowly destroyed Our golden corn fields And smothered the butterflies Until no beauty remained

I fell into the sea today But there was no sea So I went down With A Thump Andy Thump shared My girlfriend with me We often travelled To Alum Bay together To sea how glass lighthouses Were created using just sand Our girlfriend was very happy With our coastal arrangements

Likes cotton dresses Floppy hats The Olive Skin Of Mediterranean Girls François Villon Arthur Rimbaud and Tiny Tim Walking barefoot In busy cities Small bears dressed As French railway officials Robert Redford as Sundance And iced grapefruit drinks On hot summer days

I own a dance studio Run by a legless musician I dislike wheelchairs Clogging up busy streets So I have invented The square wheel Why are some races Far more beautiful than others Why do dwarves Have odd shaped heads Answers on a postcard please I have a Chinese girlfriend Who I love very much…

To suffer in silence As a boy poet Writes on my naked back I am his latest collection Which has been submitted Towards a literary prize He likes my breasts But thinks my bum Is too big for me To go very far in France I must stop picking up boy poets On Cross Channel…

What are you doing Bruno Talking to you You have a pen in your hand So I have Are you writing a fiction How did you guess Mathematics It is all about mathematics What is the title of your tale Betty Goes Missing What genre Your thrillers are hard to put down Unlike your cat…

How are you Clive Fine You look very happy I am Are you in love again Yes Then I am happy for you Her name is Kassie Where is she from Baltimore I have never been to Baltimore Neither had I until last week But you stayed with us I met my future wife in…