Stuart Miller-Osborne

Guys I have never been commissioned to write a poem as I would refuse – I occasionally write poems for weddings and the like but obviously I do not expect reward as this is a pleasant occupation However about a year ago a dear friend of mine asked me to write a poem about her affair […]

From our love room I can see the cathedral I often lie on my back After Rodger has gone Just looking at its towers I am the Dean’s daughter My father has no idea Of how I spend my time Or who I am fucking Near the window there is a watercolour Honfleur historie et […]

I am afraid to write my ninth poem So I stop at eight and start again This has worked for me and I have written Poems in batches of eight for a number of years But I do feel that one day whilst intoxicated That I might lose count and not notice my error

Joe Hi Mike long time no see Are you good Very good Mary and I have just made it to one year Wow Josie Josie is just Josie I would not want her to change Is she still fucking Rachel Yep it is a great pash Are you jealous Whatever for Because Because we are […]

I was born and raised in North Yorkshire My father was a farmer and he farmed an area Known as No Ordinary Opera which was essentially a small moor When I was nine years old we moved to Australia And I remained there until I was thirty When I was informed that the place of […]

I am housebound after damaging my ankle Whilst hiking on the North Yorkshire Moors I whisper a prayer in your direction Alice Flood As all I desire is your safe and speedy return In a month I will walk with you towards the tube We will meet again at five and plan our next adventure […]

Hi Joe  Where have you been  We thought you were dead  Maxkers thought you had died of exhaustion shagging your sister  No such luck  She has been my nurse for the past couple of weeks  Was she commando under her uniform like the slag in Burger King  What that fat Turkish one  The same as  […]

My character was given a farm which proved to be successful I was pleased for him as I consider myself colourblind But others did not see it that way and I received many letters They were mostly hostile and threatening but I did not care As these were other characters which I had created with […]

After leaving school I went to work for the Southern Counties Bus Company I stayed there for over five years working mainly as a bus conductor But later in administration at the main depot In Portsmouth It was there that I met Maureen who later became my wife Sadly when little Geraldine came along I […]

Pass the Sick Bagge As there are politicians Heading for our door You have a choice Chilli Special or Burger King Burp The Chilli Special please But without the cheese Bagge Yes Pooh Shall we go to the zoo Number one or Number two Number two Pooh And lets ask Sister Lou pavement poetry