Stuart Miller-Osborne

Joe You are a football man For all my sins You have visited many clubs Yes it is a pleasant but sometimes a sobering occupation What are your impressions Most clubs are very friendly Especially the smaller ones This said some of Premiership clubs Can be quite featureless Including my own club They have little […]

The apples glow in the orchard When the brittle lake sings

As I walked away from the railway station I noticed a broken angel Half hidden in the undergrowth This is not my song

Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest I heard this question in a dream This is all that was said I then became aware Of a small red patch On his pristine white shirt A violence had taken place Was I the perpetrator My dream then faded from reality

Joe when I broke up with Mary-Lou I had a great desire to fuck Josie A lot of people have said that to me I can remember visiting your place in Richmond And looking at the nude photographs of Josie Lonely in their frames in different rooms Whose idea was it to do this Josie […]

My then girlfriend was less than subtle When telling people about my love for hamsters In certain peoples eyes I was a bit of a joke She did not really know the damage she was doing Did you get your own back Stephen I did I did I did I did I did I did […]

Where were you Joe I was worried about ewe Ewe said that ewe were Going to take a nap But when I returned Ewe had vanished Do not stress Josie I just decided To visit our Jewish aunt Funny man Joe Always playing with words I have just read Your essay on toxic masculinity Your […]

In the Bay of Bays Not far from its lighthouse The mysterious City of Five Can be seen at low tide Many of my most popular books Are set in the immediate area Steve Berry

Fry Came To Dye In Rye Said Loo Miss With Ay Sigh

About a month ago I was enjoying a bar of chocolate In a small space of safety When a distressed woman Approached me I was told that I had poisoned her dog The dog was named Kierkegaard After its birth mother