Stuart Miller-Osborne

Hi Pete fancy meeting you here We always meet here mate On platform seven at Peterborough Station Any good suicides recently Not really a couple of depressives And a crip in a wheelchair It is always quiet at this time of year You cannot rely on anyone these days What about you Pete Has it…

I was once married To a chap named William Hume But then we drifted apart And he became my ex I ran into him again last year The spark was still there So we decided to give it another try I am therefore planning to exhume him

We have just found a dog With the ability to time travel It is named Mayan Emergency I have yet to identify the breed As it is has not been previously recorded

I occasionally direct movies Some are successful and some bomb At present I am directing an action movie Which I know will be successful The hero has along with three others Have disguised themselves as clowns And have infiltrated a circus to kill the bad guys They have attached silencers to their weapons So that…

I recently invited a malignant politician To my lighthouse red and white My intention was to assassinate him By pushing him from the highest point But I did not go through with my plan As this dreadful man brought cakes with him Which we enjoyed over my questionable tea Although our views differed greatly He…

In his recently discovered secret diaries, Wittgenstein reports that, while masturbating at the Front during World War I, he was thinking about mathematical problems Six why is it a perfect number In number theory, a perfect number is a positive integer that is equal to the sum of its positive divisors, excluding the number itself.…

Joe what is you favourite childhood memory I have many but one really sticks out As you know I am a country lad and grew up loving all creatures Even pikeys Yes even pikeys But I really just had one favourite Was it the foxes No Sabre Tooth Tigers You only find them in cities…

It is false history month in a few days I really enjoy false history month Pray tell me what it is Joe It is a time every year when in schools Our children You do not have children Joe The children of others Pete The children of others are brain washed into believing Totally false…

I showered within the hour Yet my skin is already dry It reflects the white sun Which paints me slowly During the languid hours

A warm wind caresses my hidden balcony I am wearing just a damp towel Later I will sit on the beach Shy of my tan marks Souvenirs of travel