Stuart Miller-Osborne

What about Spoons Mummy – I hear that SuperSpoons in Ramsgate is right next to the beach. Really Can we go on hols to Ramsgate Mummy I am not sure if Mummy can afford that darling Now that Daddy has run off with the au pair Mummy Yes Rosebud Rimbaud and Verlaine hung out in…

Sir Nobody has called me Sir in a long time What is your name Seymour And yours Jennifer but people call me Jenny I like to read poems to people I meet in the street The streets are my home I am sorry to hear that Have been for thirty years Since Martha died Then…

I have a microwave I have just figured it out I can now use the microwave Wow Joe Wow But the fucking thing has blown up I need to buy a new microwave And have checked the options online I am totally confused I sometimes wish I was a woman But I am not a…

Sir Nobody has called me Sir in a long time What is your name Seymour And yours Jennifer but people call me Jenny I like to read poems to people I meet in the street The streets are my home I am sorry to hear that Have been for thirty years Since Martha died Then…

Christopher Waterspout likes cream cheese His girlfriend Trudy does not like cream cheese I was born in a house near the Box Tunnel There is a huge nuclear bunker nearby And it is rumoured that steam locomotives Which were part of the Strategic Reserve Were hidden there under the deep hills I believe this to…

I have a step sister named Judith She recently had a decent well paid job And then out of nothing she was dismissed This seemed unusual to me So I asked her the reason why It seems that the guy Who owned the company Was a sleaze who made Judith’s life hell Without going into…

If you add an E to POV then it reads POVE The number 831 is a cyber term used to mean “I Love You.” I have a Swedish friend named POVE She is an illustrator I do not love POVE Whose favourite number is 12 I do not love her dog either Either does not…

What are you smiling at Joe The advert of my phone Why is it funny Not intentionally It is an ad for the sleeper trains To where Cornwall Paddington to Penzance It is normally hell I Know Too crowded and those fucking trolley cases But according to the ad this is different Everything is nice…

Do you love your country Yes Would you die for your country No Why Would my country die for me

I have an android who looks after my every need She is everything that I want her to be At present I live in a deep forest With huge trees stretching as far as I can see Tomorrow I might live on the beach or maybe in a vibrant city It is totally my choice…