Stuart Miller-Osborne

I had always had a softness for beautiful policemen You know the type blond handsome and very tall Sadly you did not meet them very often in the street As they no longer entrapped dirty faggots in the parks And then came the totally idiotic pandemic When our green and pleasant land became a prison…

I was enjoying a cup of tea at the village fete When the lovely Gillian passed me a typewritten note Its subject was Medieval Inlaid Floor Tiles It was not until the second quarter of the thirteenth century That inlaid floor tiles were introduced Into ecclesiastical buildings This pleased me greatly As I was at…

Although it was called a summer fete The reality of the weather was quite different Heavy skies and unseasonably strong winds Was all that this July day had to offer The fete was opened promptly at two And a small number of people filtered in It was being held in private garden Which was lightly…

I often wonder what it is like To be desired only By the dark creatures Of the putrid drains God smiled on me As I am very beautiful And have a bright personality I form friendships and passions With ease and I treat this as normal I come from a comfortable family And am loved…

I like girls There is no problem in that I like boys also Which is quite normal For many years I have worn my hair short In a elfin cut Because I have small features And for some reason This attracts both sexes I am an object of desire

I went out with a wonderful man Who never pressured me for sex At first I felt this was unusual But I soon understood why And I respected his reasons It was only after he asked me To have an elfin cut That I began to suspect His true motives Which were less than pure

One day after I closed the shop My father took me aside And told me that I had A hole in my grey sneakers He offered to buy me A pair of sensible shoes

Whenever I go near a parrot My nose bleeds This is quite is awful As I work in a pet shop I just went to a doctor Who has advised me To get an elfin cut And learn to play the piano

I feel that this dish is too salty I am sorry to hear that Sir Would you sample this pie Yes I do believe you are right It is far too salty I will summon my mother There is no need for that It is your choice Sir What is your name Martin Martin Your…

Julie Ann Bee would always send Spearmint letters She become quite famous For her spearmint letters Which soon became very collectable And could often bee found at violet auctions