Stuart Miller-Osborne

You may live in the River Avon And remain hidden from view But I know you are watching And are waiting for the day When you can emerge from the waters And replace us in God’s affections  

Oh wee Catholic creature she holds you tight I might have said this But then again this could have come from another tongue I am envious of you I envy your beautiful winter’s coat I envy the comfort that you possess Safe in the arms of that beautiful woman A Master has recorded your union […]

There is a dead owl between the rails At my local railway station It was killed by train Some say it was foolish to stray so far And it should have stayed safely in its tree Where it could have observed the passing trains without friction But one must remember that not all owls are […]

I was visiting the city in my dream The day was spring like and the sun was warming me as I walked down one of its many hills As I approached the city centre I found myself surrounded by a number of Italians They thrust out pens and asked me to sign their books Why […]

Miss Curious with Intent works hard during the day She lives at 335 Cork Street And has a maroon Pekinese dog She has named it 335 Cork Street As she is proud of her little house Which is situated at the base of a hill Here in the City of the Caesars  

Into the Light The marble tiles reflected the soft pink bulbs Which were hung carelessly from the station wall I had reached my destination But no-one came to greet me I knew then that the azure kings had lied   Midsomer Norton The famous children’s author Roald Dahl’s First job Was selling kerosene In Midsomer […]

John Wilmot the Second Earl of Rochester once wrote a poem on my pretty backside I have never read his poem as I am forbidden mirrors But I am told that it reads as follows We have a pretty witty king And whose word no man relies on He never said a foolish thing And […]

Emma-Lou Fitzgerald knew John Wilmot who was the Second Earl of Rochester and he wrote a great deal of his early poetry on her bare back He instructed her not to bathe for fear of loss but she disobeyed him and on a chilly March day bathed in the River Stour John Wilmot never forgave […]

Cynthia Bitch was an invisible girl Who had an obsession with William Tell To force her man out of his ram-loss-rut She went to the barbers for a blonde buzz cut   Authors Notes on William Tell and Cynthia Bitch I was given this poem by a shop assistant in Zurich when purchasing a Swiss […]

Cynthia was a shy girl who used to change behind hedges When the moon was full and bright She had sad dark eyes which dominated her pale face Her hair was raven in colour but when the moon was full It would look as if it was a midnight blue tinged with black This added […]