Stuart Miller-Osborne

The birds sat on the telegraph wires And chatted excitedly about Napoleon Whose sister Pauline fed them every morning   In her honour they had opened up a sculpture park called Venus Victorious Their prize exhibit was a sculpture of Pauline by Antonio Canova   Which they had placed in the centre of the field…

I am most probably the only cat in the world who has known Napoleon’s three sisters. In my occupation as a documentary film maker I have met and dined with all three women during my visits to the South of France. Elisa Bonaparte Elisa is the most beautiful of all the sisters who has hair…

Noah Vale was sitting in a train carriage opposite the chairman of a huge multi-nationa companyl based in the City of London The chairman was reading Noah’s first book of poetry which was called Masturbation for Beginners What the older man did not know was that in Noah’s brown leather briefcase were the final drafts…

I celebrate my birthday on the same day each year On this particular day I travel to Devizes in Wiltshire to witness the Dray Horses passing the brewery at the top of the high street It is a spectacular event best witnessed sober and for that reason I do not drink until the early evening…

Pink roses are tied With cream coloured ribbons To the dark wooden pews Everything is ready   As the procession enters the church The bride splendid in her wedding dress Stands under the white glass window And looks at her father “Christ awaits you at the altar” I whisper She casts me a momentary smile…

  Visiting Castles in the Nude I am a carer But the trouble is that I do not really care I care for a forty-eight year old man with CP His name is Hugh Macaroni-Cheese But I call him Frank As I cannot be fucked to call him Hugh We often visit castles in the…

William Joseph Mallory was one of the lesser known members of the East Kent School of Artists He is mainly associated with seascapes painted in and around his home town of Deal but he also completed a large number of religious works and illustrated a number of books of poetry by his close friend and…

Ann and Jellicoe lay on the beach with their dog called Burnley They were dreaming of France Which the dog could see with its one open eye Suddenly an official in a green suit came up to them and said “You cannot do that” So they all ran down to the sea And swan towards…

Ann and Jellicoe were walking towards Walmer When they passed a Scottish artist who was painting the exotic He asked the women to pose for him which they agreed to do In exchange for the salmon parasol Whose likeness had been exhibited many times before      

The Sky That Leads From the Sea As I lay in your arms I count the clouds as they return from the sea Today will be stormy and the gulls are seeking refuge in the town Within the hour you will have set out to sea and I will not see you for a week…