Stuart Miller-Osborne

I keep a journal A receipt of my days Everything is recorded A minutiae of all things Joe

I keep a cat Which brings in mice Coloured mice Soft to the touch I built my castle On a hill To protect myself From these small creatures But mice are valiant Not knowing defeat I can hear them moving Like rains on a window This unnerves me I have set my cat targets Only…

I found an interesting jigsaw puzzle When I was in London last week It was a thousand piece puzzle But the puzzle did not have a subject Are you telling me that it was not illustrated It was not a landscape Or a bunch of beautiful flowers The puzzle lacked a subject It was a…

Is a small village in Essex It had a railway station until 1963 Although no trains Rarely stopped at the station Because of its reputation For keeping pink pigs In the waiting rooms Francis Bacon Lived in the station house When he was young Which was often featured In none of his paintings

I am so tired of our tiny flat I hate the urban rooftops And the grey people in the streets Sylvie is in the coffee bar I can see her red apron clearly Muddled unfinished papers Lie on my wooden desk My great unfinished novel The Secret Loves of Cacti Will never reach the bookshops…

In the last week I have been contacted by a solicitor Who has informed me that I have been left a shop in Baker Street By my uncle who was known as HippyJim Baxter He took his own life at the end of last summer But nobody missed him as he often returned to Gloucestershire…

Was it a Madras No a Vindaloo Messy Yes the silks were badly stained Shit happens Joe Shit Happens

Alright you have talked me out of being an intimacy coordinator I did not realise that it would be so much hard work Thank you for your concern Joe Do you realise that I used to be until recently An Equality Diversity and Inclusion Manager You traitor Aphra Just because you are so good looking…

Joe why is there an intermission in the middle of this Joe Why should there not be an intermission As it gives you time to have a piss or just throw up It worked with The Brutalist That movie was about a week long This Joe and Josie with be over in minutes Thank the…

Joe Exciting news Hazel I have been hired As an intimacy coordinator on the remake Of Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom Have you seen the movie Yes it was Josie’s first date movie Did she like it She still talks about it What do you remember about it We are saying it a…