Stuart Miller-Osborne

I keep a a plastic poppy on the plastic poppy page of my diary I found this plastic poppy on the floor of a women’s rest room It was on the day that I thought I was being followed I had been waiting for a connection at Bristol Bus Station The weird also boarded the […]

All my films are shot using a yellow filter I insist on this when I sign my contracts My leading man drowned whilst swimming During the filming Orestes last summer The movie was abandoned shortly after he died I was involved in a serious car crash soon afterwards And have suffered from a pronounced limp […]

Josie what a beautiful cat you have A fluffy siamese with a rose tail Joe sometimes wears it around his neck Whatever for Because it is a Thai cat The name what is the name of your cat DJ Guadalajara Why did you call her that No her name is DJ Guadalajara But Y Nearly […]

The cellar stairs had been photographed Three times during my lifetime They are decaying very rapidly The ingress of the river is solely to blame These stairs were carefully designed To leave no history or suggest an obvious direction

A paper tiger cut through the air It left a small entry hole in the glass And embedded itself into my knitted pillow Twenty minutes later an apple exploded Followed by a green and red cereal packet The hunters had arrived in the white city And were nearing the Confus a Bar on Pilsner Street

Josie I have hearrrd rumours That Joe took LSD at the crucifixion Is that true Yes Why did he take LSD In my day that would have been seen as disrespectful Times on the Move (I have left my newspaper on the train) I ask again why did he take LSD Whilst witnessing the c […]

Why did you flash your breasts to the pope He promised to discuss The mysteries of gold But did not speak to me Why did that both(er) you Have you noticed that I am growing A third leg Will you paint your toenails Blush black I wanted to discuss this with the pope Before my […]

Robert would you what you are seeing I find your painting very confusing It is obviously a crucifixion But why are so many mothers Feeding their babies in the crowd

Does it always rain like this In the winter yes But it is mid July You are soaked Diana Pop into Anne’s room Where you will find dry clothes I will pour you a whiskey Did you paint this Yes What is its title The Green Butler Why did you call it that Because the […]

I have discovered an unusual fact What is that Martin Marrin Sir Walter Walter Raleigh Have you heard the story Of the puddle and Queen Elizabeth No He is said to have placed his cloak Over a puddle For the Queen to walk over It was an act of chivalry To gain her great favour […]