Stuart Miller-Osborne

My father bought me a red Hillman Imp for my seventeenth birthday He thought that I would drive it along the country roads But forgot that we had moved to a coastal town just a year earlier So I took the opportunity to explore the turquoise seas in my little red car Which apart from…

The Murderous Cloth Beasts Control all Fashionista’s I am a Fashionista And know what works And what does not work It comes naturally to my eye I am secretly planning a coup against The Murderous Cloth Beasts As their views are archaic and without merit Who says that the life of a Fashionista Is one…

Many years ago Jenna Soar-Smith and I made front page news We were students at Oxford University and almost by accident became friends I say friends but it could be better described as drinking pals She watched by back and I watched hers when we were drunk We were not intimate far from it as…

All I wanted was an obedient wife But dear Katherina is far removed My outward journey was calm Due to my outstanding knowledge Of our underground network I waited alone on Platform 5 And was at peace with the world Such was the silence of my travel I was due to meet Katherina in Bath…

Of late I have begun to think that my camera is haunted As it takes photos randomly and without my attention These photographs bear no relation to each other And are spoiled by appears to be erratic white marks My camera has been thoroughly checked by a professional It is in perfect working order and…

Yesterday at an auction in Chester I purchased a painting Of a nude boy on a train Which was strange As I normally do not Buy paintings of trains

Joe I was going to wear a summer dress today As I felt the day needed bright colours But I decided against it as the wind was cool So I wore my jeans a chic sweatshirt And my blue black shades I was off to see Peter at the gallery To chat to him about…

They had donated the light of the moon The river had previously been in flood The swimmers of the future Were now buoyant The hotel was magnificent

I met you on a dating app You seemed perfect But we decided sensibly To send each other our shadows Before we met in person Our date was very successful But we had too much to drink And misplaced our shadows These have never been found But it was a very small price to pay…

There are a number of different types of Councillors The Independent Ones who care for their town and pluck fruit from both banks as they drift midstream These are good people The Ones Who Bully usually because they hate themselves as they are ugly and fat and want to punish those with all the gifts…