Stuart Miller-Osborne

if you want to do something to your advantage then quit this poem

I had been searching For what I casually termed The Samuel Beckett Bog For a number of years I had visited many toilets But none had come close To satisfying the approved criteria That was until yesterday When I found this bog Hidden in a southern coastal town It was perfect in all aspects Reasonably […]

I met my girlfriend Betty Bleach At the bus stop on Joe Hill She was very attractive And I fell for her straight away But she was a perverse girl With some questionable habits One of these involved urination Which is an innocent pursuit in itself But Betty insisted on pissing in my mouth Which […]

As I left my bus on Joe Hill A girl wearing hippy clothes Thrust a leaflet into my hand Is that a piece of paper That you are giving me I asked quietly of the girl She did not answer But referred me to her tiny dog

An elderly lady joined the bus at Joe Hill The bus was crowded She sat next to a fisherman His rod was opposite him She did not immediately speak I thought that she was a mute But I was wrong as she asked the fisherman If he was going fishing The fisherman smiled but did […]

I worked as a crossing keeper  On a lightly used railway  There were five trains a day  In each direction  On this remote single line branch  The last train of the day  Passed the crossing  At seven in the evening  I then locked locked the gates  Until nine the following morning  When the first train […]

I have found that  If I close my eyes  When walking through  The city by the sea  That it becomes invisible  And all that remains  Are my cherished memories 

Sandwich used to be a busy port But after the great storm of 1287  It began to silt up and by the !7th Century  Found itself two miles inland from the sea  Sandwich also has the distinction  Of suffering an earthquake in 1580  Which damaged a church and some buildings  My name is Anna Geraldine Blake  And […]

Today I purchased three pumpkins  Orange Green and White  These made a colourful addition  To my autumn kitchen  Yet as I cooked my evening supper  I felt was safe in the knowledge  That only white pumpkins could fly  And that the others would never leave me

I have never been able  To work this one out  Why do we love LAND so much It is nearly always about LAND  Fields Hills Mountains  Deserts Towns Cities  Rivers Seas and Dust  Husbands Die Brothers Die  Sons Die Daughters Die  Wives Die Many Die  Even this bus shelter suffered  During the last war when […]