Stuart Miller-Osborne

An elderly lady in a muumuu Crossed a busy road And found Superman In deep conversation With three Buddhas They were discussing The rising prices Of floral curtains And other colourful drapes

In 1963 the writer Eva Babitz played chess with the artist Marcel Duchamp Whilst not wearing any clothes It is not recorded who won the game As I could not find anybody to play naked chess with me I purchased a large mirror and played against myself All went well until the mirror fell on…

In 1963 the writer Eva Babitz played chess with the artist Marcel Duchamp Whilst not wearing any clothes It is not recorded who won the game I asked Mrs Friedman whether she would play naked chess with me But she slapped my face and melted all my clocks

In 1963 the writer Eva Babitz played chess with the artist Marcel Duchamp Whilst not wearing any clothes It is not recorded who won the game I asked my wife if she would play naked chess with me But she slapped my face and glued all the pieces to the chessboard  

You are sitting by the jetty in your stylish black bikini How splendid you look with your golden hair blowing freely in the breeze The haunting sounds of Negro Spirituals are being released from an old radio That sits uncomfortably on the shiny deck of our well worn boat   A glossy magazine reveals 10…

I frequently sketch from life although I have no talent I use a thousand lines knowing that one will work I have been criticised for having no talent This sits well with me as I did not give a fuck in the first place

The thing that fucks me off about modern novels dealing with the recent past is that in creating a storyline the writer lapses into retro To me that is unforgivable as is the life progression of a novel Beginning Middle End I have the ability to write a novel but will not be imprisoned by…

Cameron Diaz visited me in my dream She had just finished shooting Knight and Day As it was early we did not say much And just stared vaguely out to sea I offered Cameron a vegan sandwich But she refused my offer Noting that she preferred coffee First thing in the morning

There is a Coca Cola sign outside my bar It overlooks the beach Which is illuminated at night When the sign is lit My bar is called The Bar of the Veils Why it was given such a name is a mystery to me But this was its name when I purchased  the joint And…

When I visited the beach this morning there was a large ship close to the shore I thought nothing of this as ships of all sizes anchor within sight of San Antonio I have lived in San Antonio all my life and ran my late fathers hardware store But today was different as a sea…