Stuart Miller-Osborne

When I am in Afrika I often think of Santander A strange occupation perhaps but very rewarding Sadly the opposite is not true For when I am in Santander I rarely think of Afrika This is an annoying habit which I am trying to cure  

The sea mists are often visible from my blind windows They hang low but do not obstruct my view These are my grey gardens I would like to cultivate these gentle gardens But this is not possible at present    

The white sails of your small yacht Are fading into the green grey horizons   You are not travelling alone I am following your voyage

In a previous life I used to be a character actor Specialising in the broody artistic types But in 1994 I was cast as a clean cut Englishman In a European co-production set in Cornwall It was whilst filming I met a Swedish Actress Her name was Liv Rohm From the start I felt that […]

1   Find your nearest convenience store 2  Wait for Morgan Freeman 3   When you spot him say Hi Morgan my name is (your name) and I come from Iceland  

The whole idea is to stare at the reflection of an overhead light in a cup full of still water   Nothing else   Seventeen seconds is the recommended duration   One is then presented with a small box of raisins   These raisins should not be consumed   But loved

Tiffany on Toast lost her father at fifteen in a mining accident So she killed the owner of the mine A year later she lost her mother to a smoking related disease So she killed the owner of the tobacco company as well as two fund managers whose investments helped the killer company to expand […]

We are told today that self love is your first love This is painfully untrue as you love your mother From the first day of your life  she is your whole world As you grow older self love is considered an advantage But I have never loved myself indeed I despise myself at times This […]

i only know the knees of my female friends which is a little odd but completely understandable

I often sit at the piano Composing songs Whilst my family sleeps My father is a train driver And works shifts He is in Manchester at present My mother works in a small factory That makes green and black checked tape For the overseas markets I have a hole in my pyjamas And my tattoo […]